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DBT Skills · Part 2 of 4

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

Asking, Saying No, Being Heard
Healing Light SA — Client Worksheet
How to maintain healthy relationships: GIVE and DEARMAN
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Use Alone or in Session
Relationships can be stressful, and sometimes people don't get along. GIVE helps you keep a relationship healthy. DEARMAN helps you ask for what you want — or say no to a request — without damaging the relationship in the process.

GIVE

Skills for keeping a relationship healthy while you work through a disagreement or a difficult moment with someone.

G — Be Gentle

How can you use a gentle tone of voice, facial expression, and body language with this person? How would being gentle change how this conversation goes?

I — Be Interested

How can you show you're paying attention to them? What tells you when someone isn't listening — and what tells you when they are?

V — Validate Their Emotions

What is this person feeling, and how can you tell? You don't have to agree with their thoughts or feelings to let them know their emotions are real to them. How could you communicate that?

E — Be Easy-Going

How can you stay easy-going with this person instead of digging in? What tends to go wrong when you're difficult instead?

DEARMAN — Asking for What You Want

Use this the next time you need to make a request

Describe
Describe the facts of the situation.
Express
Express your feelings about it.
Assert
Ask clearly for what you want.
Reinforce
Explain the benefit of saying yes.
Mindful
Stay focused on this one topic.
Act Confident
Confident tone and posture.
Negotiate
If they say no: "What can I do to get a yes?"

DEARMAN — Refusing a Request

Use this the next time you need to say no

Describe
Describe the facts of the situation.
Express
Express your feelings about it.
Assert
Say what you don't want to do.
Reinforce
Explain why this is good for both of you.
Mindful
Stay focused on this one topic.
Act Confident
Confident tone and posture.
Negotiate
"I understand you want me to do this, and I don't want to. How can we solve this?"

Wrap-Up: Interpersonal Effectiveness

GIVE
  • Be Gentle
  • Be Interested in Others
  • Validate Their Feelings
  • Be Easy-Going
DEARMAN
  • Describe · Express · Assert · Reinforce
  • Mindful · Act Confident · Negotiate
← Part 1: Distress Tolerance Next: Mindfulness →

References (APA 7th)

RecTherapyToday. (2018). DBT skills workbook. https://www.rectherapytoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/DBT_workbook.pdf

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Reformatted by Healing Light SA from the original combined RecTherapyToday PDF into four standalone skill-module worksheets. Free to reproduce for educational/non-commercial use with source credit retained. DBT itself was developed by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD.